arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How does one acquire holy water?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
