Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
false alarm, still single
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
