Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
