I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
