Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize