She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
