I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
