Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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