i think my tv is drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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