is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
