i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
