just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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