just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
