Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
