She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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