Apparently you make a good broom.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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