Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
