So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
