My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
