I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
