There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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