Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
