im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
