nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
