Already got asked if we're dating
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
