I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
