apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
