I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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