Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
