if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
