I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
