Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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