So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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