bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
