i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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