mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
