hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
