Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You ruined the universe
Randomize