I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I supernannyed him into submission
A bitchslap is in order.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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