is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
