You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
