She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
