The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
