Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
