forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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