He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
