Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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