You can't motorboat a personality
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
