today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
