I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
