I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
