I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
