Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
