And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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