chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
