I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
