I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
