just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
