I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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