oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
