tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
