took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
