Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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