Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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