I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
