drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
