my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
