Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
