Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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