im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
