Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
