He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
