i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
