Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
